Valentine's Day Sewing -- YEA or NAY?

Readers, let's be honest.  As bad as the modern world can sometimes seem, all one has to do is take a peek back in time to realize that we've come a long way as a culture.

Gone are the days when the "little lady" would stitch herself up a special Valentine's Day duster (pictured up top) to surprise her other half, who would most likely surprise her with a toaster or other chrome-plated kitchen appliance.  (My mother herself experienced this in the Fifties and she wasn't happy about it.)





Speaking of the bad old days, last night I watched the cloyingly false, yet undeniably watchable nun-athon, 1966's The Singing Nun starring Debbie Reynolds  (Did Charles Schultz dream up that ad copy?).  Worst. Nun. Movie. EVER.



That said, if you like the song Domenique, you might enjoy The Singing Nun.  The fact that the real singing nun, Jeanine Deckers, upon whose life the film was (very loosely) based, later left the convent, came out as a lesbian, and killed herself in a bizarre double suicide love pact, needn't spoil the joys of watching Agnes Moorhead, sans Endora makeup, as Debbie's sour sidekick.  

But let's get back to Valentine's Day sewing.  Friends, it should come as no surprise to you that I strongly resent holidays like Valentine's Day, Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, and the like, when we're supposed to march in lockstep to the Hallmark Card aisle of our local Rite Aid drugstore and robotically purchase an overpriced greeting card which we're to dutifully sign, seal in an envelope, and hand to our loved one on February 14th, perhaps along with a cheap box of Whitman's chocolates.

Thankfully, as sewers, we have so many other options!

I don't quite understand why a woman would want a Valentine's Day apron, since, let's face it, she'd have to make it for herself.  I suppose it might be a sexy surprise if she showed up wearing nothing but the apron, but I don't think that was the original intention.  Or was it?







If an apron feels too retrograde, perhaps a Valentine's Day vest (upper left corner, below) might fit the bill?



Of course, little girls love Valentine's Day, at least according to the pattern companies.  What's cuter than a two year old decked out in hearts, ribbon, and lace?  Sadly, she doesn't come dipped in chocolate with creamy caramel centers.





If you wish, you can spend the next two weeks making Valentine's Day decorations, to fill your house with the spirit of the season.  A heart wreath!



A heart quilt!



Heart-shaped jewelry cases!



A...um...what is this, exactly?



Readers, in closing, will you be sewing something special for Valentine's Day?  Have you ever given -- or received -- a homemade Valentine's Day gift?  If so, was it appreciated?

Valentine's Day sewing -- Yea or Nay?

PS -- What's your favorite nun movie? 

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Pattern Stash Confessions, Part 2 + Pass the Pie!

Readers, I was stunned -- stunned -- to discover how many MPB readers are simply nuts about pie!

And speaking of pie, many of you are probably wondering what kind of pie I like.  I'll be brief(ish):  While I enjoy a savory shepherd's pie from time to time (I am fortunate to live near the extraordinary Myers of Keswick grocery store, which offers a vast selection of fresh, savory English pies daily), pie to me remains primarily a sweet dessert.

A homemade pie made with fresh ingredients is almost always a pleasure to eat.  I loathe artificial sugar substitutes and prefer my pie served alone rather than laden with whipped cream, swimming in melted ice cream or dripping with molten cheddar cheese.  A lemon meringue pie, not too sweet, is a marvelous thing, especially if the meringue is mile high and slightly toasted on top.

I love cherry pie, especially with sour cherries, but I find this kind of pie is often made with inferior canned cherries and has a soggy crust.  Whole Foods makes a decent cherry pie, not to-die-for but not bad for store bought.  Nothing beats a delicious slice of fresh apple pie, but I've found that apple pies often have thick, leaden crusts, and the apple filling is not sufficiently baked (I don't want applesauce, but I like my apple pie juicy), or there is too much cinnamon.  Less is more.  Same goes with sugar -- not too sweet, please.  While I do like pecan pie, it's usually too sweet, or too full of Karo syrup and not enough pecans.

Finally, in autumn, nothing is more delicious to me than pumpkin or squash pie.  I prefer mine light, not too sweet, and slightly chilled.

My goodness, what a pie snob I've become!  Come to think of it, I prefer cake.  Let's move on.  You have till midnight EST tonight to throw your hat in the ring for the Vintage Vogue pattern I'm giving away, and you don't have to mention pie at all.   

Today, I finally documented my men's pattern stash!  Readers, I own roughly one hundred men's patterns (every time I count I come up with a slightly different number).  Scary.





Here's a bit of pattern shopping advice: never buy a "lot" on eBay.  You will always end up with many more patterns than you want and/or need.  (There's a reason why they call it a lot.  Maybe they should call it too much.)  I made this mistake just once and ended up with a boxful of roughly thirty patterns, half of which were the wrong size and should be given away -- but to whom?





Men's patterns are, of course, much less varied than women's patterns and frankly, less fun.  I've used a pretty wide variety considering how similar my finished projects ended up looking.  I don't think anyone needs more than one pajama pattern, for example, provided it includes a nightshirt.  There are slight differences in men's patterns: princess seams on a shirt, unusual pocket placement, epaulets, bell bottoms instead of straight leg, Western style shirt yokes, etc., but it's still mostly pants and shirts.





I've created a Picasa file of my men's patterns as I did for my women's patterns, and have included shots of my completed projects immediately after the pattern used.  In some cases, you'll see more than one project if I used a particular pattern multiple times.  I won't say this is everything I've sewn for me and Michael, but almost.  It's a biggish file so you might want to save it for after dinner, perhaps accompanied by pie!

As always, you can view these pics full size by clicking on any one, which will take you directly to Picasa, where you can scroll through at your own pace or watch it as a slide show.



I love having an archive I can access easily, and I'll be adding to it as I continue to sew. 

I'll bet many of you have at least a few of these patterns, am I right?  As you can see, I have all the Seventies patterns anyone could possibly want, in a wide variety of sizes just in case I puff up in the next few decades.  I think as far as men's patterns are concerned, I am done. 

Question: Why would anyone bother to sew a man's tie?  Good gracious, the thrift stores can hardly give them away.  Am I missing something?

Have a great day everybody!

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Pattern Stash Confessions, Part 1

Help.

Readers, as you know, I am always trying to organize myself better.  In the last six months, I have discarded many unnecessary household items.  I dust my Ken dolls regularly.  I even started sorting my wigs!  Today I decided it was time to revisit my pattern stash, starting with my women's patterns.

What a wake-up call: I have more than a hundred women's patterns -- slips, coats, robes, gowns, jumpers, blouses, suits, swimwear -- everything but maternity.   I only started sewing in June 2009; at this rate, I'll need a storage locker by the 2015.

Readers, please believe me when I tell you that before I counted, I had absolutely no idea how big my stash was.   I just knew it was getting too big for the credenza shelves where I store them.  Many of the patterns in my stash I purchased, many others (more than half?) were given to me.  I've given away quite a few in turn, but somehow, I never seem to make much of a dent in my collection.  Once I own them I find it hard to part with them -- do you know what I mean?

A recently acquired favorite.

Someday I will conquer my fear of faux fur.

I decided to archive them this afternoon in a Picasa file, so that I could sort through them quickly.  What has happened a number of times is that I'll almost purchase something I already own.  That would make me very unhappy.

I'm ambivalent about a button-down evening gown.

Always nice when a pattern comes with a message!

My collection starts in the mid to late Twenties and ends in contemporary times.  (A few downloaded BurdaStyle patterns aren't included.)  You may notice a larger number of patterns from the Forties and early Seventies, but I think I have pretty much every period covered.  Notice any conspicuous absences?  Maybe the mid-Eighties Gunne Sax...

You can view my stash in the slide show below.  If I made a particular pattern, you'll see a pic immediately after it of Cathy in the outfit.  You can click through to the Picasa file itself to see the patterns full size.  They are in approximate chronological order.



I am certain nearly all of you own at least one of these.

Readers, I must ask: how big is your pattern stash?  If you purchase vintage patterns, do you buy them to use or to collect, or both?  I never wanted a collection per se, and I only purchase patterns I hope to make.  As you can see, I have a lot of work ahead of me!

In closing, friends, do you have a rule about the size of your stash --like when you get to a hundred, you refuse to add more till you've gotten rid of some of the others, or does your stash just get bigger, and bigger, and bigger?

How many patterns do you own: Too few?  Just enough?  Too many?

Confess!

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Dress Silhouettes Gone Wrong + POLL!

 

Readers, do you believe in objective truth?  Do some ideas live in the universal mind and transcend both history and geography?  Are some concepts simply not up for discussion? 

I believe that, despite changing fashion trends and cultural differences, the human eye finds -- and has always found -- beauty in the natural silhouette of the human body, and humans have chosen to attire themselves in garments that closely echo that silhouette.  There are different body shapes, certainly, but the differences are relatively minor.



When we examine women's fashion of the last hundred years or so, we find that fashion has often followed or sought subtly to enhance, the natural lines of the body.  But we also discover trends in which the "ideal" silhouette presented is in conflict with the body's natural shape, putting the waist at the hips, say, or the shoulders as high as the earlobes.  Worse, "fashion" has sometimes reshaped the body into no clearly identifiable shape at all!  This is all likely due to the fashion industry's need to increase sales, a desire among fashion designers to court controversy, and downright misogyny.







While no doubt considered the height of fashion at the time, we often revisit these silhouettes in horror.  How could we have been so stupid not to see what is (now) so obvious?

Friends, today I would like to share a group of such dress patterns with you.  Depending on your age and eyesight, some of these dresses may look appealing.  Rest assured, these patterns were not chosen arbitrarily, but rather derived from a complicated algorithm.  This is science, not opinion.

Below are a few highlights.  You can view the grouping in its entirety here.  Occasionally, one view on the pattern envelope may look acceptable.  Discount that and seek out the view that is a nightmare -- it's there.











As you can see, the biggest culprit here is the ruffle.  This detail, used sparingly on an apron edge or petticoat hem, may charm.  Used in excess however, or intentionally applied to a part of the body where gathered fullness distorts our natural human proportions into something freakish, they are an embarrassment.

Unless you are 1) square dancing, or 2) reenacting the Charles and Diana wedding, please use ruffles sparingly.  (Infant-wear excluded.)

Another blemish on the fashion world is the effort to impose exaggerated geometry on the human (primarily female) body.  Few of us are truly rectangular, and yet in the 1980s, many dresses might just as well have been cardboard boxes, perhaps with Old Gold written across the front.





These patterns look wrong because they were wrong -- wrong according to taste, truth, and a very sophisticated algorithm I cannot share with you.

Finally, there is the attempt to create the panted version of every dress, no doubt in an attempt to court the casual, comfort-minded consumer, regardless of what the result might look like.  I can only say ugh, or rather ugg-a-wugg.







In closing sophisticated readers, do you agree with the basic thrust of my argument (and my top-secret algorithm)?  Can you see how attempts to distort the natural shape of the human body fail every time, and are met with little more than derision in hindsight?  Are you hiding any vintage nightmares in your closet?

Please complete the following poll:



NOTE: An ugly rumor has been circulating in the blogosphere to the effect that I hate orange.  I do not hate orange.  On me, it is an atrocity, but if you like it, more power to you.  Tangerine Tango, on the other hand, may end up being the Eighties knee-ruffle of tomorrow.

What is your favorite silhouette and are giant shoulder pads and parachute pants involved?

Jump in!

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Who You Callin' Ugly?

Friends, it is but a tired cliché that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yet isn't it the truth?  I open with this photo of Barbra Streisand because when she burst onto the scene in the early Sixties many people considered her to be ugly, and yet today her style is considered iconic.

And speaking of Barbra, if you'd like to dress up like the pregnant bride in Funny Girl,  I have just the pattern for you, Butterick 5564!

This is all my very roundabout way of getting to today's topic, which is ugly patterns.  I want to be clear from the outset, however, that patterns I consider ugly may be your idea of hello, gorgeous, and that's OK.  I'm not here to change minds.

I think there's so much focus at MPB on beautiful things -- beautiful clothes, beautiful wigs, beautiful bloggers -- that we sometimes need a palate cleanser, something to help us recalibrate our evaluation skills.

In the past, I've focused solely on patterns from the ugly decades (the Seventies & Eighties), but this feels much too easy.  Need proof?  Try this:

Or this:

Or THIS!  (I wonder if Bill Hackey ever sewed it up.)

Many people think there were no ugly pattens before the Seventies.   I am determined to change your minds.

Even I believed that the Forties were utterly ugly-pattern free.  Yet how would you like to be the six year old wearing Joan Crawford's old shoulder pads?

And honestly, who but June Allyson could have pulled off this yoked blouse, complete with Peter Pan collar and ruffles.  It's so sweet it makes my teeth ache.

And this patterned jumper -- busy, busy, busy!

But it was in the Fifties that we got our first glimpse of fashions gone haywire, as the Postwar frills got even frillier: bell sleeves, bows, crinolines -- it's all simply too much.

The alternative Fifties silhouette was the sheath.  But this late-Fifties version looks too much like a bottle of Palmolive dishwashing liquid.

Loud prints were the rage in the mid-Sixties, but surely this unfortunately placed strawberry is an error in judgment on a pattern marked Quickie.

Moving right along, the teddy nightgown was a terrible idea, but it's worse paired with long pajama pants, don't you think?

When considering ugly patterns, let's not overlook accessories patterns.   Those Renaissance Italy-inspired chin-strapped hats make me think only of wisdom teeth extractions.

Costume patterns seem like easy targets, but honestly, this is beyond the pale.

And now for the big finish:  The best of the worst:

Ugly.

Uglier...  (Kwik Sew 1926 if you're wondering)

Ugliest! 

Yes, friends, make the echt-Eighties over-sized, boxy jacket even bigger -- add fringe!

In closing, readers, I do hope your palettes are now sufficiently cleansed.  Truly, are there uglier than these? (If you can find any, let me know.)  Tell the truth: some of you like a lot of these patterns, don't you?  I'll bet some of you own a few of them, too.

If anyone has fringe fantasy Kwik Sew 2031 in their stash, speak up!  We don't want to embarrass you; we want to help you.

Happy Monday,  beautiful people!

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